LYHL/BT ~ How I’m Bringing Happiness Back Into My Life

Posted by on Aug 16, 2013 in Blog, Feed Your Soul, The Keys | 0 comments

KEY ~ Feed Your Soul

I had mixed feelings about sharing this with you, but I know that we all have many challenges in our lives. So, I made the decision to let you know how I’m doing 2 years since I lost my son Chris and the thing that has been the biggest help in bringing happiness back into my life.

No matter what you are dealing with, there is something that you can do to help yourself feel better.

I have to admit that 2011 was the most challenging year of my life. I knew some of what to expect and had prepared myself on how to not only survive but thrive. But just when I was feeling really good about how I was handling everything, the illness and unexpected loss of my son Chris shook me to the core.

In the past I have lived with bouts of depression, eating and anxiety disorders. By finding the right people to help me, experimenting with many different ways of eating and spending lots of time relearning to hear and listen to my inner wisdom, I finally felt comfortable and strong.

But with the loss of my son, my world turned upside down. For almost 2 weeks I couldn’t eat at all and during that time I was very present and living in the moment. I wanted to feel all the pain of losing him and receive the love that was so generously given.

But then the enormity of what had happened really settled in. Grief is not only an emotion but also a very physical experience. To deal with it’s rolling waves I reached out to some old coping friends of mine, bingeing and sugar. These had been my favorite ways to self medicate and become numb so I wouldn’t have to feel anything. I went back to what I knew and I ended up feeling not only sick but totally out of control. This is not how I wanted to live my life.

How I’m Bringing Happiness Back Into My Life

So I’ve done many things over these past 2 years, and the one that has helped me the most was being grateful. I started by being grateful that I made it through a day, a week and then a month. I was grateful for the people in my life and all their love and support. I was grateful that I could finally sleep. I was grateful for each and every little thing in my life. Nothing was too small to be grateful for. And the more grateful I was, the better I felt and each day got a little better.

Now I still have hard days and times when I miss him so much that my heart feels it will break into a million little pieces. I still have trouble talking about him without tearing up and wishing that things were different. But the truth is, he is gone and I know without a doubt that he would not want me to miss one single wonderful thing about my life because he’s not here.

Special days can be especially difficult, so it’s also helped me to write about how I’m feeling. On my first Mother’s Day without Chris, I realized how gratitude was helping me heal. I wrote him a letter about how grateful I was to have been his mom and you can read it here.

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